Been a really long time...

I know it's been an extremely long time, and more than likely nobody will read this, but that is ok because I just want to talk..ya know?

I'm just not doing well...emotionally anyway. So in my heart I know that I should be doing horribly eating wise as well. I see pictures of myself now and I just can't take it anymore. It's been 4 1/2 years of absolute disgust. Unfortunately, I don't care about recovery anymore...I just want to be liked. I want to be pretty. I NEED to go on a diet...there is no ifs ands or buts. I just cant take this anymore, and I have absolutely nobody to talk to it about anymore :(

I miss the old me! I want to be a talented person with ambition and desire for life, and more than anything...I want to be the weight I was 5 years ago! Before I went to treatment, I was not skinny, but I WAS NOT THIS FAT!!!! It seems like my life just has no meaning. I'm just taking up space.

I'm so sorry that this is a bad post, but I'm actually holding quite a bit back...I just hate to wine all the time, but I'm just tired emotionally. Well, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, and I am quite sure that nobody will even read this because I don't post very often, but I need to more often because I'm just not doing well and need to start making recovery choices for myself. Deep inside, I'm sure that I do want recovery still, but I can't seem to find that bit of me. I want the old me back...badly.

God Bless,
Savannah

Been a long time...

Well, hello everyone. Actually I'm pretty sure that nobody checks this anymore considering I don't often blog anymore. Sorry...not much free time in my life. Well, I haven't been up to much. Just working and hanging out with the family. I actually did start seeing a therapist again. Our first appointment was last week. It was a little awkward because I hadn't been to a therapist in 1 1/2 years. Also, I started an ED group here in town and that's a little strange too because I don't even know how to act in that environment anymore. But I'm trying to participate and hopefully I really start to work through some things. Other than that I haven't been up to much.

Update on Elliott: He's 9 months now! I can't believe it...it seems like I just had him a week ago. Haha. He's an amazing kid and just a blessing to spend time with. His giggle is contageous and when he calls out "Momma!"...my heart just melts.

Life is decent right now..I just need to stop, step back, and really work on myself.

I would love an update on how all of you are doing so fire back at me. Love you guys!