WARNING!!! May be triggering!!! Viewers discretion is advised!
Alright, so tonight at work..I was dealing blackjack and all was pretty well - minus the fact that I'm insanely wore out - when I'm approached by yet ANOTHER person...
Individual: "Oh my gosh, are your expecting?! That's so exciting!!"
Savannah: "No, I'm not...just a little fluffier than since we hung out 4 years ago." Insert Laugh
Individual: "Oh, I'm sorry...that was really forward of me."
Savannah: "Nah...don't worry about it...it sadly happens a lot."
Individual: "Well, I could actually help you with that. Are you lookin' for an easy way to shed some?"
Savannah: Laughing inside...oh here we go...just stick your finger down your throat... "Why yes, I would love to hear the latest fad diet." smiles
Individual: "It's rather dangerous, but it really works for me and my friends....meth."
Savannah: stunned!!! "Whoa. Wasn't expecting that answer."
Individual: "I can get it for you really cheap...like half price."
Now...I'm listening, but why I am I listening? I come from a middle class family...my mom was a retail manager, my step-dad is a power plant operations manager, I'm in my senior year of college, I'm an aunt, I'm married for goodness sake....yet I yearn for more information.
Savannah: "Oh really." fake laugh, but really I am curious still not knowing why
Ladies!!!! This is NOT me. Yet I feel the need to do this. No, an eating disorder didn't scare me...why would meth right? This is completely insane, yet I want to try it so bad. I don't even know what it looks like. I don't even know how you would ingest/inhale/drink/smoke/dancethejigaround it. I don't know anything about it, but because I can lose weight doing it..I'm willing. I've always known that meth could make a person lose tons of weight because it's common knowledge, but I have never taken this much interest in it. I don't know what to do. I should probably tell my therapist, but what if I do (Gosh forbid) try it...then she'll know...and then I'm in A LOT of trouble. I don't know what to do, and I don't know where else to turn. I'm scared that I might actually try this...knowing that it is not characteristic of me. Please help.
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So, I'm trying to relax after a big midterm by reading some blogs... I thought I'd see if you had posted anything... and this is basically not what I was expecting! Are you, in all honesty, serious? Did this really happen? This person's behavior was just beyond reason. Anyway, assuming that people as ridiculous as the meth dealer in question really exist, I have some thoughts here:
1. Using meth is not going to get you away from mean people; you'll just start getting comments like, "Are you on meth?" And what will you say then?
2. Just like they have treatment centers for eating disorders, they have treatment centers for drug use. And a combination of imagination and common sense leads me to believe that the drug treatment centers are not inhabited by a bunch of girls who are passive and bent on getting everyone to like them. No, I'm thinking these drug treatment centers are inhabited by creepy old men who have rotting yellow teeth, who rarely shower, and who want to know if you're married (sorry, the ring isn't going to discourage them that easily)... and by other even less agreeable sorts of people whom I won't even describe. Actually, I'm not sure meth users actually live long enough to graduate to the creep-old-man stage, but maybe creepy young men, then, which is almost worse.
3. Might as well just tell the therapist about the whole idea; then it would be harder to go through with it without getting caught, right? I tend to think it's a good idea to take steps in advance to prevent oneself from doing something regrettable during a brief lapse of judgment....
aren't you moving to utah soon? meth will make you skinny, rot your teeth, ruin your skin, fry your brain, destroy all of your relationships and take all your money... oh wait that's ed too.... it's just jumping from one ship to another.. keep on keepin' on, your friend, racher
hey girl,
i've put off commenting for about a day because honestly, i didn't know quite what to say! i know that that's not like you, and i also know how ed puts crazy ass ideas into your head. thanks for being honest, and please don't worry about us judging you because the one good thing about being in treatment with someone is learning all about who they truly are. you my dear, are about as far from a meth user as i have ever met. it will only make things worse, and i can think of a billion other things you would enjoy spending the dough on. i'm not trying to lecture you (although i feel like i'm talking to myself on this post because i've totally been a piece of work lately), but i want you to know without a doubt how much i love you. you are fabulous and meth will just take away from that. lame-O! take care, BE GOOD, and for realsies, tell your therapist whats going through your mind. nicole would hate to hear half the things i was doing, but at least i wasn't being accused of hiding it from her, right?! keep us posted. loves!
Oh Savannah I'm so sorry! What a mean comment. First, that girl is NOT your friend. Because friends don't let friends...okay okay I'm not going to continue down that line, but let me say that I am very close to a previous meth-user and it ruined her life. Coming clean was one of the hardest things she had to do. But the desperation that makes you want to try substances...yeah I've definitely felt that. We've probably all done just about anything to be thin, so it's not wrong for you to have these thoughts, but please don't act on them, please be honest with your therapist.
loves
Kyla
Sav,
I am sorry you are going through this. I do not have the words to convey how scared I am for you. I hope that your move to Utah comes soon and that you won't be around that so much. The truth is there will always be something out there tempting us to take a step to the dark side just because it might help us lose a little weight. But my advice is to just go ahead and tell your therapist. You can work it out and maybe the urge will go away a little bit? Please take care...sorry it took so long for me to answer.
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