Well, this is me posting since I haven't posted in forever :) To be honest..the only thing that is on my mind is not good so I will talk about sometime else.
Rabbits and Badgers...are..AMAZING!!! HAHA!!
So in order for me to not mutilate myself...i have to lie and say that i am ok so that i don't fuck up and wind up pissing off everyone that i know :)
Thursday, February 28, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
Stressed Part II
Lately, it seems that I am running around without a break. My days are packed and my nights are packed and I'm going insane. Haha! My average days looks like this:
7 - wake up
8 - class
9 - break (HELL YEAH!!!)
10 - meeting
11 - work for ONE hour...how f'in stupid! (Job 1: DSU)
12 - class
1 to 5 - work (Job 2: Holiday Inn)
5 to 1 in the AM - work (Job 3: Blackjack dealer)
1 to 7 - sleepy
It sucks and I'm getting worn out. I constantly am telling myself "Don't worry...you're almost there." That line is getting old and I'm not falling for it anymore. I'm just ready to quit it all..haha. This is the point where Kim walks in and says, "Savannah...you're so black and white. Can't you find a medium?" haha...Well, this was good. I made myself laugh and that helped me out a little bit. :) hehe I guess I better get back to work, bye guys! Love you!
7 - wake up
8 - class
9 - break (HELL YEAH!!!)
10 - meeting
11 - work for ONE hour...how f'in stupid! (Job 1: DSU)
12 - class
1 to 5 - work (Job 2: Holiday Inn)
5 to 1 in the AM - work (Job 3: Blackjack dealer)
1 to 7 - sleepy
It sucks and I'm getting worn out. I constantly am telling myself "Don't worry...you're almost there." That line is getting old and I'm not falling for it anymore. I'm just ready to quit it all..haha. This is the point where Kim walks in and says, "Savannah...you're so black and white. Can't you find a medium?" haha...Well, this was good. I made myself laugh and that helped me out a little bit. :) hehe I guess I better get back to work, bye guys! Love you!
Thursday, February 14, 2008
Happy Valentine's Day!!
I hope that everyone is having a grand Valentine's Day! Is anyone doing anything special? I have to work, and to top it off...Christopher is sick. Poor boy :( We already told each other that we wouldn't get each other anything so all in all...it's not a very pleasant Valentine's Day for the Brecht Family, but oh well, there will be plenty of them to come.
Well, my best friend left for New Zealand. Crazy girl :) Her card to me said that since she's not here to check on me..I'm suppose to make a cardboard cut out that has a talking bubble that says, "Have you eaten yet? Savannah...." Haha! What a goon! So at least we parted with a laugh.
Well, I would love to hear how everyone's V-Day is going or what sorts of plans you have for later...so post away my friends! :)
Sunday, February 10, 2008
Sigh...
So, one of my best friends(yes I have 3..hehe), well she is moving very very far away. At least I consider it pretty far, New Zealand isn't exactly the easiest road trip right? I'm really happy for her because when she graduated college she was sad because she didn't know what she wanted to do with her life. She's insanely brilliant, but just lost as to what will make her happy. So she decided to go spend a year in New Zealand. Haha! Well, she leaves on Tuesday and of course I am being selfish. I'm really going to miss her. She is literally the only person in this world that knows everything about me. The only one! She is the only one that I could talk to if I wanted to. I'm not big on the whole gushing about my life, so it's rare that I open up anymore..but still :( I'm really happy that she is going to go out and have some fun, and another friend of our's decided that she would tag along so that's reassuring. I will get to see her again in August for a friend's wedding, but other than that...that's going to be about it. Chris and her don't like each other at all so I'm sure that neither of them will be gun-ho about road trips to visit. Ya know?
I guess this all leads to a very nervewracking moment nearing in my life...I'm friggin' moving! :) Haha.. For real though, I'm so anxious about Utah. I am really really nervous because here at school I was/am pretty well known and for the most part people really liked/like me. It wasn't because I'm pretty, skinny, or have a lot of money. It was because I'm outgoing and fake. At college, I choose not to show the pain inside. Everyone just sees me for a few attributes: I'm Stuart's sister, I use to be in 1,000 activities so you had to like me or your club didn't get funding, unfortunately I have a gigantic set of ladies, and my least favorite...I can drink enough for 13 people.
I'm nervous that when I get to Utah, that nobody will like me. I'm excited that I won't be known for any of those 4 things...well, maybe the ladies, but the other ones I am very ready to let go of. I'm afraid that once people see me without those..they won't like me. Then I will have to change, and then I will be right back where I was...well hopefully at the weight I was at(sorry-but it's what I am thinking).
I just really want to crawl in a whole because for one of the hardest things...I won't have my best friend and I'm scared. Well, that's my rant for the evening. I have to go do a lot of homework. Bye.
I guess this all leads to a very nervewracking moment nearing in my life...I'm friggin' moving! :) Haha.. For real though, I'm so anxious about Utah. I am really really nervous because here at school I was/am pretty well known and for the most part people really liked/like me. It wasn't because I'm pretty, skinny, or have a lot of money. It was because I'm outgoing and fake. At college, I choose not to show the pain inside. Everyone just sees me for a few attributes: I'm Stuart's sister, I use to be in 1,000 activities so you had to like me or your club didn't get funding, unfortunately I have a gigantic set of ladies, and my least favorite...I can drink enough for 13 people.
I'm nervous that when I get to Utah, that nobody will like me. I'm excited that I won't be known for any of those 4 things...well, maybe the ladies, but the other ones I am very ready to let go of. I'm afraid that once people see me without those..they won't like me. Then I will have to change, and then I will be right back where I was...well hopefully at the weight I was at(sorry-but it's what I am thinking).
I just really want to crawl in a whole because for one of the hardest things...I won't have my best friend and I'm scared. Well, that's my rant for the evening. I have to go do a lot of homework. Bye.
Monday, January 28, 2008
I am the walrus...
Well, to start out with..I have no idea why I always have insane names for my titles. I'm just a little bit quarky I guess :)
So tonight I was sitting in my bedroom, whilst Christopher was in the living room watching the State of the Union Address. That didn't seem very interesting so I decided to go read my book. I never got to my book, instead I looked at my bookshelf and noticed my old journals...haha! They were from when I was in Utah. It was a weird trip back in time. It was weird to see how I have changed, and giggle at the ways that I haven't changed a bit. Sometimes, I think I choose to forget trying times such as treatment because I fear that I haven't changed enough and I haven't come far enough in recovery. So as I was reading, I noticed that all of my journal entries are fake because I was afraid that they would go in your bin and read your shit. Even for the month that I journaled afterwards...fake...
A long time ago...Summer of 2004(I started therapy in February of 2004)...I have never been one to really open up and my therapist and I decided to see if I could relay my feelings by journaling. So I would journal as many nights as I remembered to, and then at our sessions she would read it and we would discuss what I wrote. Well, I was never as honest as I could have been because I knew that somebody was going to be reading it.
Tonight, I got out a journal because I wanted to see if I am able to put completely everything that I am feeling on paper. Before tonight, the last time I journaled was early 2006. I asked Chris if he could please not disturb me for 5 minutes while I journaled so I turned on some piano music and just sat there writing EVERYTHING! It was insane...I journaled for 45 minutes! I have never felt more relieved and free than tonight. It's crazy how much emotion can come out of a ballpoint pen. Knowing that I wasn't going to show anyone, and it was truly just for me...I was able to just go.. It was an amazing feeling.
On a crappier note, my grandma is really sick so it's a pretty crappy week. We are hoping and praying that she makes it through the week. Considering the doctor told us she wouldn't make it through Sunday night, and today she woke up and was recognizing some people...we were at least given a glimmer of hope. I feel horrible for my mom though because when I almost lost her a year ago, it was the most horrible experience of my life. I can look at her and truly know what she is feeling. Her and her mother didn't have a good relationship, just as my mother and I don't have a good relationship. I'm just hoping that even with all their differences, they realize that they love one another even if it seems hard to admit.
One more thought for the night and then I'm really going to go to bed. Here goes...I HATE NORTH DAKOTA! It was 40 BELOW ZERO today(with windchill.. -10 without) That is just crazy. Why do people live here? Nutty people I tell you...nutties.
Alright, love goes out to all of you. Hope you had a great start to your week. Keep warm my dears! :)
So tonight I was sitting in my bedroom, whilst Christopher was in the living room watching the State of the Union Address. That didn't seem very interesting so I decided to go read my book. I never got to my book, instead I looked at my bookshelf and noticed my old journals...haha! They were from when I was in Utah. It was a weird trip back in time. It was weird to see how I have changed, and giggle at the ways that I haven't changed a bit. Sometimes, I think I choose to forget trying times such as treatment because I fear that I haven't changed enough and I haven't come far enough in recovery. So as I was reading, I noticed that all of my journal entries are fake because I was afraid that they would go in your bin and read your shit. Even for the month that I journaled afterwards...fake...
A long time ago...Summer of 2004(I started therapy in February of 2004)...I have never been one to really open up and my therapist and I decided to see if I could relay my feelings by journaling. So I would journal as many nights as I remembered to, and then at our sessions she would read it and we would discuss what I wrote. Well, I was never as honest as I could have been because I knew that somebody was going to be reading it.
Tonight, I got out a journal because I wanted to see if I am able to put completely everything that I am feeling on paper. Before tonight, the last time I journaled was early 2006. I asked Chris if he could please not disturb me for 5 minutes while I journaled so I turned on some piano music and just sat there writing EVERYTHING! It was insane...I journaled for 45 minutes! I have never felt more relieved and free than tonight. It's crazy how much emotion can come out of a ballpoint pen. Knowing that I wasn't going to show anyone, and it was truly just for me...I was able to just go.. It was an amazing feeling.
On a crappier note, my grandma is really sick so it's a pretty crappy week. We are hoping and praying that she makes it through the week. Considering the doctor told us she wouldn't make it through Sunday night, and today she woke up and was recognizing some people...we were at least given a glimmer of hope. I feel horrible for my mom though because when I almost lost her a year ago, it was the most horrible experience of my life. I can look at her and truly know what she is feeling. Her and her mother didn't have a good relationship, just as my mother and I don't have a good relationship. I'm just hoping that even with all their differences, they realize that they love one another even if it seems hard to admit.
One more thought for the night and then I'm really going to go to bed. Here goes...I HATE NORTH DAKOTA! It was 40 BELOW ZERO today(with windchill.. -10 without) That is just crazy. Why do people live here? Nutty people I tell you...nutties.
Alright, love goes out to all of you. Hope you had a great start to your week. Keep warm my dears! :)
Friday, January 18, 2008
Rubber Chicken
Well, I realized that I haven't posted anything in quite sometime. I come on here frequently to read how everyone else is doing, but I refrain from posting because I'm sorta boring.
Well, I got 3rd place at the competition that I was so nervous about. So thank you for sending good lucky vibes my way. Love you!! Check out this trophy that I found on the net...isn't he so sexy?
I'm a little exhausted...I've been running non-stop for the past few weeks. It's catching up with me, and I'm ready for a day off :) My final semester is a little like my old semesters when I use to think I needed to do everything! I have 18 credits, 3 jobs, I'm in Business Club and Campus Activities Board. However, it is my first year not being on Student Senate, and let me tell ya...I feel like a slacker. Oh well, I have to remember that I need to pay attention to classes and all that jazz.
Well, I got 3rd place at the competition that I was so nervous about. So thank you for sending good lucky vibes my way. Love you!! Check out this trophy that I found on the net...isn't he so sexy?
I'm a little exhausted...I've been running non-stop for the past few weeks. It's catching up with me, and I'm ready for a day off :) My final semester is a little like my old semesters when I use to think I needed to do everything! I have 18 credits, 3 jobs, I'm in Business Club and Campus Activities Board. However, it is my first year not being on Student Senate, and let me tell ya...I feel like a slacker. Oh well, I have to remember that I need to pay attention to classes and all that jazz.I don't know how cold it is where all over you are dwelling, but here in North Dakota...it is 20 BELOW!!! That is crazy, and I'm very very cold. I just thought I would let everyone know that... Well, I'd better get back to work..only work another 45 minutes, but then I have to head straight over to my other job. I'm really exhausted..did I mention that. Haha..sorry...I was just kidding.
Well, ladies..I hope that you are all doing well in your individual ventures whether it be school, work, butt cancer, or whatever else it may be. See you later!
Friday, January 11, 2008
Public speaking blows...
Well, the cat's out of the bag...I HATE talking in front of people. I have a tendency to get up in front of the class, and pass out shortly before it is my turn to talk. All the while, my group members just stare in awe because they have no f'in clue what in the heck just happened. Haha...it's humorous if you think about it after the fact.
Another factor that makes it so funny, is that my brother is a national public speaking champion. My brother is a communications professor here at Dickinson State, and I am a communications failure. Haha... I don't know what it is, but I just can't do it. I've tried all the tricks, and none of them work. Picturing them naked just makes everything quite a bit more awkward if you ask me.
Crazy things is...I LOVE TO TALK! (Only when it's not about my feelings and all that shitty jazz) I have sang in quite a few weddings, but not before I thought my heart was going to fail on me. So, performing in front of people is a rather hard task for me. *Brie, I have a feeling that you are the one that is laughing because I referred to it as "performing in front of people," and gosh I think you're great..haha* But for real, I really have a fear of it.
So, this is all leading up the fact that I have a Business Plan competition in Grand Forks, and I really don't want to go. The presentation is 20 minutes long, and I really just don't want to do it. It is this coming Monday-Wednesday, so I was hoping I could talk you ladies into hoping and praying for me that I don't pass out. I really could care less about winning, because I was forced to enter the competition and I really didn't want to make it. I just don't want to pass out in front of 300+ people. Please support me in your mind...thank you ladies!!!
Another factor that makes it so funny, is that my brother is a national public speaking champion. My brother is a communications professor here at Dickinson State, and I am a communications failure. Haha... I don't know what it is, but I just can't do it. I've tried all the tricks, and none of them work. Picturing them naked just makes everything quite a bit more awkward if you ask me.
Crazy things is...I LOVE TO TALK! (Only when it's not about my feelings and all that shitty jazz) I have sang in quite a few weddings, but not before I thought my heart was going to fail on me. So, performing in front of people is a rather hard task for me. *Brie, I have a feeling that you are the one that is laughing because I referred to it as "performing in front of people," and gosh I think you're great..haha* But for real, I really have a fear of it.
So, this is all leading up the fact that I have a Business Plan competition in Grand Forks, and I really don't want to go. The presentation is 20 minutes long, and I really just don't want to do it. It is this coming Monday-Wednesday, so I was hoping I could talk you ladies into hoping and praying for me that I don't pass out. I really could care less about winning, because I was forced to enter the competition and I really didn't want to make it. I just don't want to pass out in front of 300+ people. Please support me in your mind...thank you ladies!!!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
