I sit here wondering if it will happen...will I have a good day? My belief is that if you have 5 bad days, you should be allotted one good day right? It only seems fair. Then I realize, "Savannah, life is not fair." No matter how much I try and believe that things are going to be just fine, there will always be people to hurt me and heck there will always be people that, unfortunately...I hurt. Sometimes, I wonder what I'm really living for. Sure, I have Chris, but he could easily find someone better...he's an amazing guy. Sure, I have my siblings, but let's face it...I'm not the easiest sister to have. Sure, I have friends, but again...I'm not an easy nor good friend to have. And lastly, I have nieces and nephews, but I can gaurantee that they could have a much better influence than I could ever be for them.
I'm excited to move to Utah because I want to get away from my life here. On the other hand...I'm so nervous. I feel really dumb for saying this, and completely hypocritical, but I don't know if I'm pretty enough, skinny enough, successful enough to have friends like the girls that live in Utah. I feel like the only way that I will feel worthy enough to hang out with anyone down there is if I completely change myself. So, then I think...should I just move somewhere else. I don't know what to do. I'm tired of life. I really hope that it's not this hard for anyone else...it's so much work just to get through the day...that is really pathetic...I'm really pathetic.
I still, just need to keep going...why, I have no idea...but someday...someday I will know.
4 comments:
SAVANNAH!
You do not have to look, act, or be a certain way to be in UT! Hell, Utah sucks - you're going to make it a whole lot more lively just being here, and we need that! I'm so, so sorry that things are so incredibly difficult for you right now. I honestly would all take it from you if I could. Please keep hanging in there!
Wait, you're moving to Utah? Where? I wanna come.
Seriously, I know what you mean though.
I haven't been back to Utah since I left....and there's a reason for that.
though I really wanna see the people their....I fear them seeing me.
Yah.
So, I can relate. I really can.
Sometimes i want to move to Utah...like a fresh start...and get rid of all my problems.
But I know that won't work. But it sounds like it would.
Oh Savannah, can't we just both be happy?
Luv ya,
Kate
Savannah,
I tend to agree with Brie...you do not need to be any different that how you are, and with how you are you will make UT or any other place you live a better place to be. I know things get hard...they will do that no matter what you do or how you live because thats just how life is I think. Its not always fun and its definitely never easy. Hugs. Hang in there and when you do decide to move here give me a ring...letter or whatever and we can go do something if you want to. Hugs...take care and one day...one day it will get better and one day you will know the answer to some of the things that you don't have answers to today.
oh cute vanna-
i am so excited for you to move here, and it has no a single thing to do with how you look on the outside, or what you do profession wise, or any of that! i am excited to be around your generosity and compassion. i am excited to be around your wildly fantastic passion for life, your insanely hilarious dirty jokes, your crazy desire to play NERTZ all freaking day long!!!! i love you to pieces and hope that one day you will realize how much we all love you- not for what you do, but for WHO YOU ARE!!! take care love!
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