I know it's been an extremely long time, and more than likely nobody will read this, but that is ok because I just want to talk..ya know?
I'm just not doing well...emotionally anyway. So in my heart I know that I should be doing horribly eating wise as well. I see pictures of myself now and I just can't take it anymore. It's been 4 1/2 years of absolute disgust. Unfortunately, I don't care about recovery anymore...I just want to be liked. I want to be pretty. I NEED to go on a diet...there is no ifs ands or buts. I just cant take this anymore, and I have absolutely nobody to talk to it about anymore :(
I miss the old me! I want to be a talented person with ambition and desire for life, and more than anything...I want to be the weight I was 5 years ago! Before I went to treatment, I was not skinny, but I WAS NOT THIS FAT!!!! It seems like my life just has no meaning. I'm just taking up space.
I'm so sorry that this is a bad post, but I'm actually holding quite a bit back...I just hate to wine all the time, but I'm just tired emotionally. Well, I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas, and I am quite sure that nobody will even read this because I don't post very often, but I need to more often because I'm just not doing well and need to start making recovery choices for myself. Deep inside, I'm sure that I do want recovery still, but I can't seem to find that bit of me. I want the old me back...badly.
God Bless,
Savannah
Monday, December 27, 2010
Friday, January 15, 2010
Been a long time...
Well, hello everyone. Actually I'm pretty sure that nobody checks this anymore considering I don't often blog anymore. Sorry...not much free time in my life. Well, I haven't been up to much. Just working and hanging out with the family. I actually did start seeing a therapist again. Our first appointment was last week. It was a little awkward because I hadn't been to a therapist in 1 1/2 years. Also, I started an ED group here in town and that's a little strange too because I don't even know how to act in that environment anymore. But I'm trying to participate and hopefully I really start to work through some things. Other than that I haven't been up to much.
Update on Elliott: He's 9 months now! I can't believe it...it seems like I just had him a week ago. Haha. He's an amazing kid and just a blessing to spend time with. His giggle is contageous and when he calls out "Momma!"...my heart just melts.
Life is decent right now..I just need to stop, step back, and really work on myself.
I would love an update on how all of you are doing so fire back at me. Love you guys!
Update on Elliott: He's 9 months now! I can't believe it...it seems like I just had him a week ago. Haha. He's an amazing kid and just a blessing to spend time with. His giggle is contageous and when he calls out "Momma!"...my heart just melts.
Life is decent right now..I just need to stop, step back, and really work on myself.
I would love an update on how all of you are doing so fire back at me. Love you guys!
Monday, August 10, 2009
Wowsers
It has been forever since I have updated my blog. I'm not certain that any of you even read these anymore. Haha. Well, Elliott is 4 months old today and work is going good. Chris and I are great, and overall...we are just having a good time in Rapid City. Well, I look forward to reading all of your blogs and being updated. Bye ladies :)
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Time Flies By!
Wow, time has seriously gone by so fast. How has everyone been?! What is everyone up to?! I've just been hanging out with Elliott and I went back to work part time a week and a half ago. Everything is going well with Elliott and I'm doing good for the most part. Of course I have post-partum depression so that rocks. Not. Haha. Oh well, things could always be worse. Well, here's a pic of the little guy showing attitude and sticking his tongue out :) Miss you all!
Thursday, April 23, 2009
My First Day Home
Hello everyone! I finally got to go home and mom couldn't wait to take pictures of me :) Haha! Here is one of me in my cute swing and one of me snuggling with mommy. Have a good weekend ladies!
Friday, April 17, 2009
Elliott Randall Brecht
Hello everyone! Sorry that I haven't posted or been on in a long time to read your blogs, but I was having my little guy :) He decided that he couldn't stand it in there and he came exactly 4 weeks early. They had to admit him into the NICU so he could work on his breathing a little better. His lungs weren't quite as ready as he was. Now he is working on his eating. (My husband and my brother told me that he's already taking after his mom...haha...it made me laugh) Once he gets better at eating we get to bring him home. We are hoping by the beginning of this coming week, but my hopes of bringing him home sooner than later keep getting crushed so we'll see how soon we really do.
I must say that this moment has taken the cake of the hardest time in my life. Being a mother is the most amazing, but not being able to help him and thinking that it is your fault he's hurting is so hard. I keep looking back at my pregnancy wondering what I did wrong. Maybe I ate chocolate when I should have had vegetables or maybe I didn't drink enough water...all of these things come to mind. It doesn't help that my mother-in-law hates me and she says it's my fault, but I would think that even without her opinion.
This week has been the most exhausting and the most amazing I have ever experienced. I'm just ready for him to come home. But here is a picture of the little guy :) His cute little smile and blonde locks crack me up. Hehe.
Elliott Randall Brecht
April 10, 2009 @ 5:59pm
19 inches, 6lbs 6.6oz
I must say that this moment has taken the cake of the hardest time in my life. Being a mother is the most amazing, but not being able to help him and thinking that it is your fault he's hurting is so hard. I keep looking back at my pregnancy wondering what I did wrong. Maybe I ate chocolate when I should have had vegetables or maybe I didn't drink enough water...all of these things come to mind. It doesn't help that my mother-in-law hates me and she says it's my fault, but I would think that even without her opinion.
This week has been the most exhausting and the most amazing I have ever experienced. I'm just ready for him to come home. But here is a picture of the little guy :) His cute little smile and blonde locks crack me up. Hehe.
Elliott Randall Brecht
April 10, 2009 @ 5:59pm
19 inches, 6lbs 6.6oz
Thursday, April 2, 2009
Last Month
Finally, I am in my last month of pregnancy. This last month just happens to be 5 weeks long, but that's ok with me because it's still considered my last month...YAY! Things are going well. We are finally starting to get everything rounded up for the little guy and ready for him to come join us. I'm getting excited and anxious..hehe :) Well, I just thought it had been a little long since my last update so I figured I would post one. Have a good weekend everyone!
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Titleless
Here is a picture of the little guy and I at 29 1/2 weeks. We get to put the crib up tomorrow so I'm very excited about that. Pretty soon the room that isn't at all a nursery will be his little home :) Now all we need is to come up with a name. Ha!
Thursday, February 5, 2009
3-D Ultrasound
Introducing the latest picture of my little man. Isn't he handsome? His little hand is hanging out by his cheek. I hope that he's this mellow after he's born...haha :)
Sunday, January 11, 2009
Sick of the growing bump..
I went to the doctor's office on the 8th, and even though it was the best appt. so far since we got to find out...it was the worst for me as well. Up until that appt. I really hadn't gained all that much weight. I didn't gain a ton of weight, but I gained just enough in the 1 month that I think I'm going to go crazy. That is all that is on my mind, and I can't seem to quit obsessing about it. The sick thing is that I'll be gaining close to 20-30 more pounds and I don't think I'm prepared for it. I compare myself to everyone else here in SD, home in ND, pictures of friends on the internet, etc. and I can't stand myself.
I know that I'm pregnant and gaining weight is a good thing when your pregnant, but I'm a wreck. In the doctor's office that day I was speechless, and my husband goes, "Wow..that's great hunny...the medicine must be working." Aka: "Wow...you're a cow."
I just want to quit being pregnant. I want to be able to go on a diet. I want to lose all this weight and everything that I gained since 2005. I'm done with this new Savannah. I feel depressed because I'm not where I want to be and it's my fault that I let myself get out of hand. I should have had more control after I got out of the center and I let myself go and I am so unattractive that I make myself sick.
Everyone says that pregnant women are the most gorgeous and how can I be gorgeous when I nearly punch the mirror everytime I stare at my reflection?
I know that I'm pregnant and gaining weight is a good thing when your pregnant, but I'm a wreck. In the doctor's office that day I was speechless, and my husband goes, "Wow..that's great hunny...the medicine must be working." Aka: "Wow...you're a cow."
I just want to quit being pregnant. I want to be able to go on a diet. I want to lose all this weight and everything that I gained since 2005. I'm done with this new Savannah. I feel depressed because I'm not where I want to be and it's my fault that I let myself get out of hand. I should have had more control after I got out of the center and I let myself go and I am so unattractive that I make myself sick.
Everyone says that pregnant women are the most gorgeous and how can I be gorgeous when I nearly punch the mirror everytime I stare at my reflection?
Thursday, January 8, 2009
Wednesday, December 24, 2008
3 Things
I stole this from Kyla's page because I am rather bored today :)
3 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. I was in my first year of high school.
2. I was preparing for some type of music festival.
3. I was not getting along with my mother.
3 things on my to-do list today:
1. Today is over, but what was on my list was: Take Chris out to lunch for his birthday.
2. Bake bars for Chris.
3. Watch movies with Chris.
3 things I love about my husband:
1. He is nice to me most of the time.
2. He's talented.
3. I really don't know...right now my marraige is shit and I'll be amazed if we don't get a divorce so it's difficult for me to think of things that I love when I'm pretty sad and discouraged in that area. Sorry.
3 jobs I have had:
1. Front Desk at a hotel
2. Blackjack dealer
3. Singing lessons instructor
3 movies I have seen more than once:
1. Family Stone
2. Home Alone
3. Notting Hill
3 places I have lived:
1. Beulah, ND
2. Dickinson, ND
3. Rapid City, SD - I absolutely hate it here.
3 places I have visited:
1. Las Vegas, NV
2. Canada
3. NYC
3 T.V. shows I watch:
1. Law & Order: SVU
2. Jon & Kate Plus 8
3. Poker Shows
3 things you may not know about me:
1. I'm not very smart. In order to do ok in school I had to study very hard.
2. I use to be an alcoholic.
3. I'm really good at the game Soduko.
3 people I tag:
1. Britnie
2. Jenn
3. Brie
If any of you have time :)
3 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. I was in my first year of high school.
2. I was preparing for some type of music festival.
3. I was not getting along with my mother.
3 things on my to-do list today:
1. Today is over, but what was on my list was: Take Chris out to lunch for his birthday.
2. Bake bars for Chris.
3. Watch movies with Chris.
3 things I love about my husband:
1. He is nice to me most of the time.
2. He's talented.
3. I really don't know...right now my marraige is shit and I'll be amazed if we don't get a divorce so it's difficult for me to think of things that I love when I'm pretty sad and discouraged in that area. Sorry.
3 jobs I have had:
1. Front Desk at a hotel
2. Blackjack dealer
3. Singing lessons instructor
3 movies I have seen more than once:
1. Family Stone
2. Home Alone
3. Notting Hill
3 places I have lived:
1. Beulah, ND
2. Dickinson, ND
3. Rapid City, SD - I absolutely hate it here.
3 places I have visited:
1. Las Vegas, NV
2. Canada
3. NYC
3 T.V. shows I watch:
1. Law & Order: SVU
2. Jon & Kate Plus 8
3. Poker Shows
3 things you may not know about me:
1. I'm not very smart. In order to do ok in school I had to study very hard.
2. I use to be an alcoholic.
3. I'm really good at the game Soduko.
3 people I tag:
1. Britnie
2. Jenn
3. Brie
If any of you have time :)
Books
Bold or italicize the books that you have read:
1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austin
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkein
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible - New Testament-Most, if not all...
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas - My ALL TIME FAV. BOOK
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
When I first saw this on Brie's page, I didn't want to do it since I didn't think I had read too many. Then I saw it on Jenn's page so I decided I would go ahead and see how many I have read :) I haven't read near enough of them, but I actually read more than I thought I had considering I thought my count would have been 5 or so. I really need to read some more of them though. Have a Merry Christmas everyone! Happy New Year!
1. Pride and Prejudice - Jane Austin
2. The Lord of the Rings - JRR Tolkein
3. Jane Eyre - Charlotte Bronte
4. Harry Potter series - JK Rowling
5. To Kill a Mockingbird - Harper Lee
6. The Bible - New Testament-Most, if not all...
7. Wuthering Heights - Emily Bronte
8. Nineteen Eighty Four - George Orwell
9. His Dark Materials - Philip Pullman
10. Great Expectations - Charles Dickens
11. Little Women - Louisa M Alcott
12. Tess of the D'Urbervilles - Thomas Hardy
13. Catch 22 - Joseph Heller
14. Complete Works of Shakespeare
15. Rebecca - Daphne Du Maurier
16. The Hobbit - JRR Tolkien
17. Birdsong - Sebastian Faulks
18. Catcher in the Rye - JD Salinger
19. The Time Traveller's Wife - Audrey Niffenegger
20. Middlemarch - George Eliot
21. Gone With The Wind - Margaret Mitchell
22. The Great Gatsby - F Scott Fitzgerald
23. Bleak House - Charles Dickens
24. War and Peace - Leo Tolstoy
25. The Hitch Hiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams
26. Brideshead Revisited - Evelyn Waugh
27. Crime and Punishment - Fyodor Dostoyevsky
28. Grapes of Wrath - John Steinbeck
29. Alice in Wonderland - Lewis Carroll
30. The Wind in the Willows - Kenneth Grahame
31. Anna Karenina - Leo Tolstoy
32. David Copperfield - Charles Dickens
33. Chronicles of Narnia - CS Lewis
34. Emma - Jane Austen
35. Persuasion - Jane Austen
36. The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe - CS Lewis
37. The Kite Runner - Khaled Hosseini
38. Captain Corelli's Mandolin - Louis De Bernieres
39. Memoirs of a Geisha - Arthur Golden
40. Winnie the Pooh - AA Milne
41. Animal Farm - George Orwell
42. The Da Vinci Code - Dan Brown
43. One Hundred Years of Solitude - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
44. A Prayer for Owen Meaney - John Irving
45. The Woman in White - Wilkie Collins
46. Anne of Green Gables - LM Montgomery
47. Far From The Madding Crowd - Thomas Hardy
48. The Handmaid's Tale - Margaret Atwood
49. Lord of the Flies - William Golding
50. Atonement - Ian McEwan
51. Life of Pi - Yann Martel
52. Dune - Frank Herbert
53. Cold Comfort Farm - Stella Gibbons
54. Sense and Sensibility - Jane Austen
55. A Suitable Boy - Vikram Seth
56. The Shadow of the Wind - Carlos Ruiz Zafon
57. A Tale Of Two Cities - Charles Dickens
58. Brave New World - Aldous Huxley
59. The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-time - Mark Haddon
60. Love In The Time Of Cholera - Gabriel Garcia Marquez
61. Of Mice and Men - John Steinbeck
62. Lolita - Vladimir Nabokov
63. The Secret History - Donna Tartt
64. The Lovely Bones - Alice Sebold
65. Count of Monte Cristo - Alexandre Dumas - My ALL TIME FAV. BOOK
66. On The Road - Jack Kerouac
67. Jude the Obscure - Thomas Hardy
68. Bridget Jones' Diary - Helen Fielding
69. Midnight's Children - Salman Rushdie
70. Moby Dick - Herman Melville
71. Oliver Twist - Charles Dickens
72. Dracula - Bram Stoker
73. The Secret Garden - Frances Hodgson Burnett
74. Notes From A Small Island - Bill Bryson
75. Ulysses - James Joyce
76. The Bell Jar - Sylvia Plath
77. Swallows and Amazons - Arthur Ransome
78. Germinal - Emile Zola
79. Vanity Fair - William Makepeace Thackeray
80. Possession - AS Byatt
81. A Christmas Carol - Charles Dickens
82. Cloud Atlas - David Mitchell
83. The Color Purple - Alice Walker
84. The Remains of the Day - Kazuo Ishiguro
85. Madame Bovary - Gustave Flaubert
86. A Fine Balance - Rohinton Mistry
87. Charlotte's Web - EB White
88. The Five People You Meet In Heaven - Mitch Albom
89. Adventures of Sherlock Holmes - Sir Arthur Conan Doyle
90. The Faraway Tree Collection - Enid Blyton
91. Heart of Darkness - Joseph Conrad
92. The Little Prince - Antoine De Saint-Exupery
93. The Wasp Factory - Iain Banks
94. Watership Down - Richard Adams
95. A Confederacy of Dunces - John Kennedy Toole
96. A Town Like Alice - Nevil Shute
97. The Three Musketeers - Alexandre Dumas
98. Hamlet - William Shakespeare
99. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory - Roald Dahl
100. Les Miserables - Victor Hugo
When I first saw this on Brie's page, I didn't want to do it since I didn't think I had read too many. Then I saw it on Jenn's page so I decided I would go ahead and see how many I have read :) I haven't read near enough of them, but I actually read more than I thought I had considering I thought my count would have been 5 or so. I really need to read some more of them though. Have a Merry Christmas everyone! Happy New Year!
Tuesday, December 9, 2008
8 things
Rules:
1. Post rules on your blog
2. Answer the six '8' items (i personally think it should be 8 "8" items, not 6.)
3. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving them a comment
8 Favorite TV Shows
1. Law and Order: SVU
2. Golden Girls
3. Gilmore Girls
4. The Office
5. Jon & Kate Plus 8
6. Mystery Diagnosis on TLC
7. Funny enough...Intervention
8. Any poker show
8 Things I did yesterday
1. Got ready and went to work
2. Got sick :(
3. Left work and came home
4. Talked to a man about a possible new job...yay!
5. Took a nap that was too long
6. Watched an episode of Golden Girls
7. Took a shower
8. Went to sleep - yesterday was kinda crappy...but oh well
8 things I look forward to
1. Dr. Appt. tomorrow
2. Going home next weekend for a couple of days
3. Hanging out with my brother and a bunch of friends for New Years
4. Chris' birthday on Christmas Eve and Christmas with Chris
5. Finding out what gender my baby is in January
6. Hopefully getting a new job
7. Getting everything ready for the baby
8. Having the baby
8 Favorite Restaurants
1. Red Lobster
2. Paradiso
3. Jack's
4. Johnny Carino's
5. California Pizza Kitchen
6. Black Bear
7. Applebee's
8. IHOP
8 Things on my wish list (not in order except for 1st one)
1. A healthy baby (even though that is after xmas..hehe)
2. The book Twilight
3. An SVU season
4. To see friends and family
5. A new bedroom set
6. A new living room set (neither will probably happen, but I can dream)
7. A bicycle
8. New clothes :(
8 People I Tag
1. Anyone who thinks it looks fun..it was a good time for me :)
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
1. Post rules on your blog
2. Answer the six '8' items (i personally think it should be 8 "8" items, not 6.)
3. Let each person know they have been tagged by leaving them a comment
8 Favorite TV Shows
1. Law and Order: SVU
2. Golden Girls
3. Gilmore Girls
4. The Office
5. Jon & Kate Plus 8
6. Mystery Diagnosis on TLC
7. Funny enough...Intervention
8. Any poker show
8 Things I did yesterday
1. Got ready and went to work
2. Got sick :(
3. Left work and came home
4. Talked to a man about a possible new job...yay!
5. Took a nap that was too long
6. Watched an episode of Golden Girls
7. Took a shower
8. Went to sleep - yesterday was kinda crappy...but oh well
8 things I look forward to
1. Dr. Appt. tomorrow
2. Going home next weekend for a couple of days
3. Hanging out with my brother and a bunch of friends for New Years
4. Chris' birthday on Christmas Eve and Christmas with Chris
5. Finding out what gender my baby is in January
6. Hopefully getting a new job
7. Getting everything ready for the baby
8. Having the baby
8 Favorite Restaurants
1. Red Lobster
2. Paradiso
3. Jack's
4. Johnny Carino's
5. California Pizza Kitchen
6. Black Bear
7. Applebee's
8. IHOP
8 Things on my wish list (not in order except for 1st one)
1. A healthy baby (even though that is after xmas..hehe)
2. The book Twilight
3. An SVU season
4. To see friends and family
5. A new bedroom set
6. A new living room set (neither will probably happen, but I can dream)
7. A bicycle
8. New clothes :(
8 People I Tag
1. Anyone who thinks it looks fun..it was a good time for me :)
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Belly Pics
I've had quite a few people ask when I will be putting up belly pictures on my facebook and myspace. Is it completely crazy that I'm not taking these pictures? I am so very uncomfortable with the thought of having pictures of an even bigger me than before. I don't take any pictures. I'm lucky that my husband doesn't really know anything or care about these little things because he has never even asked.
I'm very nervous for when I do start showing because everyone will focus on how fat I'm getting and it's hard enough to deal with by myself let alone everyone else noticing. Especially when my husband wants to see my stomach because I can honestly say that he hasn't seen my stomach in at least a year. I'm getting nervous for when he wants to see my baby bump.
Is it weird that I don't take baby tummy pictures? I don't think that I can bring myself to do it. Before I was pregnant..I wasn't a huge fan of pictures because of how big I've gotten. To add to that horrible feeling...I'm only going to get bigger than I was before and there isn't much that I can do. This isn't fun and it makes me uber sad.
Enough sad talk from me...have a great week everyone!!! :)
I'm very nervous for when I do start showing because everyone will focus on how fat I'm getting and it's hard enough to deal with by myself let alone everyone else noticing. Especially when my husband wants to see my stomach because I can honestly say that he hasn't seen my stomach in at least a year. I'm getting nervous for when he wants to see my baby bump.
Is it weird that I don't take baby tummy pictures? I don't think that I can bring myself to do it. Before I was pregnant..I wasn't a huge fan of pictures because of how big I've gotten. To add to that horrible feeling...I'm only going to get bigger than I was before and there isn't much that I can do. This isn't fun and it makes me uber sad.
Enough sad talk from me...have a great week everyone!!! :)
Monday, November 24, 2008
My Trip to AZ/NV
I forgot to blog about my trip...oh my :O The trip was great, but of course way too short. It was so nice to see my sister, bro-in-law and their girls, my mom, and Stuart(my brother). I don't have very many pictures...but here are a few:
This is a picture of me playing slot machine :)
This is a picture of my brother playing a slot machine :)
Here is a picture of my mom and brother singing karaoke :)
I can't wait to see all of them again...only 5 1/2 more months!!! Yay!!!
This is a picture of me playing slot machine :)
This is a picture of my brother playing a slot machine :)
Here is a picture of my mom and brother singing karaoke :)
I can't wait to see all of them again...only 5 1/2 more months!!! Yay!!!
Tuesday, November 18, 2008
Same old thing
So, I've been thinking lately...I do absolutely nothing with my life. I work 40 hours a week and then the leftovers are for sleeping and absolutely nothing. I truly hate Rapid City because I'm so bored all the time. The fact that I barely ever see Chris because he works nights and I work whatever I am scheduled whether it be 7-3 or 3-11. The 7-3 days really suck because I don't see him at all then, but the others...at least we have the morning. To add to the never-see-Chris...I don't ever get a weekend day off and Sat./Sun. are his days off.
If I had a friend it wouldn't be as difficult, but as of right now life royally blows. I would pick up a hobby, but I really don't know if it would be good for me because whenever I have tried something I have not been good at it and I feel that trying something and failing would be worse than not even trying.
On a positive note...I had my 2nd baby appt. and everything is going well. I got a flu shot, got my blood drawn, and got weighed and we were done. It was speedy and she said that everything sounds great. That's nice to hear.
Well, talk to you all later...sorry I was such a downer this time. Hope all is well!!
If I had a friend it wouldn't be as difficult, but as of right now life royally blows. I would pick up a hobby, but I really don't know if it would be good for me because whenever I have tried something I have not been good at it and I feel that trying something and failing would be worse than not even trying.
On a positive note...I had my 2nd baby appt. and everything is going well. I got a flu shot, got my blood drawn, and got weighed and we were done. It was speedy and she said that everything sounds great. That's nice to hear.
Well, talk to you all later...sorry I was such a downer this time. Hope all is well!!
Sunday, November 9, 2008
Work is Boring
Well, here I sit at the good ol' Holiday Inn..BORED OUT OF MY MIND! However, I'm getting uber excited for my trip to Arizona to see my sister, nieces, and mother. My brother and I are both flying down there and we are getting excited :)
It should be fun to hangout with everyone and help my mom unpack. My mom just moved down there and since she broke her leg not too long ago...she's not able to unpack very much by herself. My step-dad has to stay in North Dakota to work a little bit longer and it wows me that they will be apart from each other for close to 5 years. Isn't that crazy? Chris and I drive each other nuts sometimes, but we can't be apart for that long...we'd go nutty.
Completely off topic, but since this blog is random anyways..it's ok.
Brie - I tried to get that modeling thing and put it on my myspace page, but it wouldn't let me. I was just wondering what I was doing wrong..hehe.
Well, everyone...I will write more when I get back after my 2nd baby appointment. Yay! Have a great week and take care!!
It should be fun to hangout with everyone and help my mom unpack. My mom just moved down there and since she broke her leg not too long ago...she's not able to unpack very much by herself. My step-dad has to stay in North Dakota to work a little bit longer and it wows me that they will be apart from each other for close to 5 years. Isn't that crazy? Chris and I drive each other nuts sometimes, but we can't be apart for that long...we'd go nutty.
Completely off topic, but since this blog is random anyways..it's ok.
Brie - I tried to get that modeling thing and put it on my myspace page, but it wouldn't let me. I was just wondering what I was doing wrong..hehe.
Well, everyone...I will write more when I get back after my 2nd baby appointment. Yay! Have a great week and take care!!
Thursday, October 23, 2008
It's back...
All in all, my pregnancy has been going rather well. I've had the average morning sickness and what not, insomnia, and frequent nausea...but that's just part of the package. Up until the past week to 2 weeks I didn't really have too much sadness or stress over my body image. I just chalked it all up to the fact that I HAD to do it all no matter what. Don't get me wrong..I'm been very eager to begin a diet once the baby is born, but I just set it aside in my mind for another 6 months.
Then it happened...I had a bad weekend last weekend, and what do you think I do? I resorted to what I always had without even realizing it. It just happened. When I got to work and the girl that I work with asked what we should do for dinner I unintentionally said, "Oh, I'm sorry I already ate." Right away I noticed what I said and then realized that I hadn't eaten that day or the day before. I have since gotten much better, but throughout this pregnancy...it's just been hard to eat at all..not because of the demon.
Overall, I guess I just surprised myself because I thought that I would be able to notice when I was feeling that way. It just woke me up a little to see that I still resort to that whenever I am sad or uncomfortable. I should probably talk to Chris, but he seriously is not good at talking about stuff. He just looks at me and seems confused and bored. Haha!
That was very random and I'm rather embarassed, but oh well. I guess I was just checking if anybody could relate to resorting to it unknowingly sometimes. Well, have a great weekend :)
Then it happened...I had a bad weekend last weekend, and what do you think I do? I resorted to what I always had without even realizing it. It just happened. When I got to work and the girl that I work with asked what we should do for dinner I unintentionally said, "Oh, I'm sorry I already ate." Right away I noticed what I said and then realized that I hadn't eaten that day or the day before. I have since gotten much better, but throughout this pregnancy...it's just been hard to eat at all..not because of the demon.
Overall, I guess I just surprised myself because I thought that I would be able to notice when I was feeling that way. It just woke me up a little to see that I still resort to that whenever I am sad or uncomfortable. I should probably talk to Chris, but he seriously is not good at talking about stuff. He just looks at me and seems confused and bored. Haha!
That was very random and I'm rather embarassed, but oh well. I guess I was just checking if anybody could relate to resorting to it unknowingly sometimes. Well, have a great weekend :)
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
1st Appt
Baby Brecht's 1st Photo Shoot :)
The appt. went well, and we found out that both of us are healthy. Yay! I'm due on May 8th and everything is going well with the pregnancy so that's good.
Just thought I'd post an update on me. Have a great week.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
