Update

Well, I guess I haven't really updated on how Rapid City is going so I will do that.

Chris and I came down to Rapid City on August 1 to move our stuff into the nice place, and the day after that Chris went back to North Dakota until he finished his job which his last day was August 15. I had a wedding in Fargo on the 16 so as he was moving down here, I was going up to ND for the weekend. We are both finally down here together. Haha..

I have to admit that the 2 weeks that I had nobody here were 2nd hardest 2 weeks of my life(my mother's brain aneurism being the first). It was so hard being here having no friends. I went to work, came home, watched seasons on DVD, went to sleep, got up...and all over again. I had no friends. I still don't have any friends, but at least Chris is here now.

The 2 weeks prior were near impossible for me and I was so close to giving up. It was even harder than treatment. I seriously would rather go to treatment for a year than have 2 weeks with nobody in my life. (Let me rephrase that...a year without any chance of having to go on caution status..haha)

I have lived my entire life being able to make friends. I guess I have just taken it for granted in the past and never really thought I wouldn't have a friend. I just assumed that having friends was a part of life. I do have coworkers, but most of them have families and probably wouldn't want to go out to a movie with me.

At least Chris is here now so it makes things a little easier, but it is difficult for me to hang out with Chris every night. I don't know why..it may just be the independent side of me. I have a hard time hanging around a man every night...even though it is my husband. I still need that night that I have with my friends. I'm strange I know, but I always feel so obiligated to be a good wife...nevermind..that's another blog topic.

All in all, Rapid City is great..I just wish I didn't feel so alone when I'm around so many people. I am excited that I don't have therapy anymore. It was weird leaving my therapist that I had for 4 1/2 years, but I'm suppose to call her monthly to keep her updated. Haha..she's silly.

Well, I hope that everyone is having a great week. Don't forget to watch Brie on TV tomorrow!

Wedding song

Hey ladies!

So I'm singing in a wedding on the 30th, and I recorded myself singing the song so that I could get feedback from my sister and from the bride and a couple of my friends. I figured I would go ahead and put it on my blog to get some feedback from you all. So if you could all tell me what parts I could work on...that would be great. Thanks ladies!!! Love you and miss you!

Vanna

Rapid City

Well, we got here yesterday at about 3:00 and didn't finish moving are stuff in until 9:30!! Eek! It was horrible carrying all the heavy stuff up 3 flights of stairs, but we finally did it. Chris and I were rather tired so falling asleep in the new place wasn't difficult at all. He even fell asleep under the bed when he was hooking up the power cord for our alarm clocks. I was going to take a picture, but our camera is packed somewhere :)

Here is our living room..I'm pretty excited because it is so much bigger than the living rooms we've had in the past.


Here is our kitchen. They got us all brand new appliances so that's pretty stellar!


Here is the hallway to the bedrooms. It's going to be nice to have a spare bedroom.



Now comes the long and tedious duty of unpacking. I'd better go get started :) Have a great weekend everyone!!

Honest Moment

K...this post is probably going to be one of the most honest moments in my life, and I'm nervous for some reason...probably the whole "AHHH...VULNERABLE!!!" thing. Anyway, I might as well just jump into it because I can't sleep and until I get this out...I won't be able to.

P.S. This blog is going to make me sound like a completely horrible person.

I have this friend, and I care the world about her. For real...she is amazing. She only has one fault that I know of......ED. I try hard to be there for her and let her know that she needs to keep fighting and all that jazz. Well, tonight she texted me and told me that she just got out of IP and that she gets to go to day patient and I'm so damn proud of her. (Please excuse the D word) However, there's still a long road ahead.

*Enter horrible part* The texts then ask how I'm doing....my reply: "I'm good...blah blah blah." The truth of the matter is...I really AM doing good. Please tell me why I feel guilty? I feel sheepish for being healthy!! That's gash dang ridiculous isn't it?!

I feel horrible for being healthy when my friend is hurting so terribly so I search for things that I can do wrong because I don't want her to be alone in the fight. I'm sure that this post seems very crazy, but it is truly how I feel. My mind is telling me that I have to be unhealthy because she is. The sad thing is that some of me(the ED part) is telling me that I gave up too easy and that I could be just like her. It yells at me for giving up on it and tells me that I could be just like her and be skinny, pretty, etc.

So overall, my thoughts are a bit selfish and childish, but I couldn't sleep and I had to talk to something about them. My mind tells me that I can't be healthy because then she would be alone in the fight, AND some more thoughts tell me that I'm a fatass for giving into treatment and getting healthy.

This blows.

But, at least I can maybe sleep now. bye.

The Big Move

I'm growing up! YAY! haha.. Chris and I are moving to Rapid City a little sooner than we thought. I thought that we had until the middle of August, but we actually have to move 2 weeks sooner so I'm heading down to Rapid City, SD on August 1st. Eeeek! We actually do not have an apartment so I'm moving down there on August 1st and Chris is coming down on August 15th.

I'm a little nervous to head out and begin my career, but I'm optimistic that everything will level out after a few months. We hope to start a family soon also...hopefully anyway. We'll see I guess :)

Here are a couple of pictures of the area. (1 of Rapid City, and 1 of Mt. Rushmore which I will be driving by everyday to go to work) - You might have to click on the first one to make it larger.

Week 2

Well, this is week 2 of Music Camp for me. My niece left on Saturday so that was sad that I wasn't able to leave and hang out with her. I do, however, get a day off next week which I will be spending with her so I'm thrilled about that. I think we'll either end up going to a movie or the mall or both :) I love coming here every year, but I've been coming here for 5 years now and it kinda sucks when the deans that knew me before I went to Utah all look at me...wanting to ask why I'm bigger, but they don't...thank God :) The administration knows because I have to fill out a health form before working here. One of the questions is: "Do you have an eating disorder or have you ever had an eating disorder?" This makes for a crazy conversation when you check in because the camp director's wife pulls me into her office and asks if I'd be willing to be the "On-Call ED Expert" when it comes to the campers(primarily the dancers). So that's a little awkward, but of course I said yes.

So that has been my week...the other deans think I'm nuts and the dancers never want me to talk to them because they know that I'm the "ED Expert." And we all know how uncomfortable those conversations can be :)

Well, I guess I better get out there and monitor little ones. Bye ladies!!! Have a great week!

International Peace Gardens

This past Saturday, my niece(Kiara) and I made the long truck up to the International Music Camp which happens to be located in the International Peace Gardens. The Peace Gardens are absolutely gorgeous, and somehow just seeing the beauty of the gardens just puts a neverending smile on my face. Isn't it amazing how God creates such places that seem so perfect? Anyway...

I'm totally stoked for Music Camp. I love watching kids create music...especially singing! :) My niece is so talented, and I'm so proud of her. She's here for this week which is choir week, and then she goes to hang out with her biological father in Minot, ND. However, I get to stay up here for another week(jazz week) and I'm excited. I'm sure that I will be sick of all of the 700 kids that are camping by the end of the 2 weeks, but in the mean time...I'm pretty thrilled! :)

This was a pointless blog, and I'm sorry for that...haha. I guess I just got so caught up in the excitement of Music Camp...and yes if you were wondering...this camp could technically be considered a.....band camp. Flute players were last week ;)